Feeling unhappy? You are likely focused on chasing pleasures..
We all want to be happy, but most of us end up pursuing momentarily satisfactions, while remaining deeply unhappy on the inside.
We rarely ask ourselves: “What actually makes me happy?”
Instead, we think: “How can I make myself feel good at this moment?”, “How can I fill this emptiness?”, “What can I do right now to avoid pain and gain pleasure?”
Oh, how many times I went for that slice of cake knowing that it will not make me feel good later. But because it brings me pleasure at this moment, I lie to myself just to get my dose of high, and repeat it enough times to regret my impulsive choices 5 pounds later.
Did you wonder why there are so many suicides among billionaires who can buy anything they want? Why are divorce rates skyrocketing? Any why so many of us are showing off our achievements and material possessions instead of quietly enjoying them and helping others behind the scenes?
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy all the material things life has to offer and planning to continue to do so. But I realized that they only improve the quality of my life if and when used with the right INTENTION. When I don’t tie my identity and self-worth to them and see them just as a source of my comfort. Only then I can supplement and magnify the state of internal joy with external stuff.
Just think about a few of these scenarios, so typical for our modern-day existence:
We derive our sense of worth from better cars, bigger houses and flashier brand labels...
But what if everyone on the planet Earth had the same access to the abundance of luxury? Would we chase these possessions the same way we do now? The answer is NO – because all of the things mentioned above are just “identity enhancers”. Our ego is thriving on gaining short spikes of satisfaction by comparing ourselves to others. It can be superiority in anything - material possessions, looks, smarts, achievements, etc.
Instead of looking at the luxuries as a source of validation, we need to start looking at them as a source of comfort. Ask yourself – would I still buy it if I lived on a desert island and if nobody could see it? If the answer is “yes” – you are in harmony with yourself! If the answer is “no” – you are likely not happy with yourself the way you are and just trying to get a confidence boost by receiving external approvals.
We think we will be happier when other people come to rescue us.
We are waiting for someone to come and save us from our loneliness and give us security we all crave. We put these expectations on our romantic partners, on our friends and even on our children – only to discover that other people can’t give us what we don’t already have inside.
We must first become the energy we want to attract. Only this way we turn into magnets and stop being fishhooks. Only then we are able to share from the place of abundance, and not transaction. Only then we are able to build strong, beautiful and long-lasting partnerships.
We are looking for happiness by escaping our surroundings.
Novelty of exploring gives us short boosts of excitement. But how quickly does this feeling wear off as we come back to our old selves after every exciting journey? We often imagine that we will be happier if we go and live somewhere else, but as a famous saying goes: “Wherever you go, you take yourself with you”.
We first need to get an internal alignment and get clear on our INTENTION. Are we escaping ourselves and running away from something? Or are we exploring new possibilities that make us feel expansive and alive?
Finally, when we are empty on the inside, the easiest fix is to change our biochemistry.
We numb ourselves with food, sex, power, adrenaline, drugs, alcohol, etc. – because they alter our state for a short period of time and make us escape our negative feelings.
But we quickly become hangover and hungry for more within hours, not even days. These short spikes of pleasure are simply not sustainable.
👉 Here is the truth.. We don’t want things. We want feelings we think those things will give us.
To experience true and long-lasting happiness we must overcome the discomfort of going within. We must start avoiding painful feelings. We have to start paying attention to the signals our body is sending us. We have to become mindful of our thoughts and sit with our raw emotions.
Learning to be present is what takes us to the place of happiness, abundance and fulfillment.
And the best gift we can give ourselves in this lifetime is getting to the bottom of what emotional needs we are trying to satisfy.
We must intentionally stop looking for happiness outside of ourselves - because all answers to our hardest questions can be found INSIDE.
xoxo Olena❤️