5 ways to stop obsessing over what others think of you
As featured on Medium.com
We all care about what other people think about us, we just don’t talk about it.
Someone cares more, someone cares less – but thoughts about other people’s judgments are crossing everyone’s mind every single day. This is how our brains are wired.
Being considerate about other people’s opinions can be beneficial if interpreted as constructive criticism. But obsessing over imaginary judgments is fear-driven and destructive. It makes us insecure and miserable.
Here are some common patterns you might recognize in yourself (yes, they can all be triggered by fear of being judged!)
Lack of creativity and self-expression (because someone will for sure criticize!)
Becoming a know-it-all about every subject under the sun (to cover up for insecurities of being incompetent)
Constant hesitation and inability to make decisions (because no decision = no judgement)
Eagerness to impress others and receive their approval (hello, Insta-perfect life!)
Criticism and gossip behind people’s backs (because it’s easier than acknowledging your own flaws)
Can we all relate to at least one of these scenarios? I for sure can 🙋
Fear of being judged affects our everyday decision making. It shows up in many different forms – like being terrified to share ideas in meetings, letting others take advantage of us, or buying expensive designer bags that we can’t afford to impress someone. We just don’t dig deep enough to see what causes these behaviours.
While it’s impossible to completely stop paying attention to what other people think about us, here is what we can do to shift our perspectives and become emotionally free:
Become aware of these behavioral patterns.
Every time you catch yourself in one of the scenarios listed above, make a mental note of it. The more we notice these behaviours (and question them), the quicker we get detached from destructive thoughts that affect our mood, well-being and decision making.
Pay attention to whose judgements you are obsessing over.
It’s a paradox, but we usually care about opinions of people we don’t even like! Notice whose approval you are seeking. Who you are gossiping about with your friends? What is your intention behind another expensive purchase? Give yourself honest answers to these questions, and then shift your focus to opinions of people who truly care about you.
Send positive vibes to others.
The less we judge others, the less they judge us. It’s called mirroring, and it works like magic. Our thoughts have energy and send vibrations that people can feel. If we feel judged by someone, we should ask ourselves: am I judging them too? This is a mouthful but hear me out: what makes you different from someone who is judging you, if you are judging them for judging you?
Don’t try to control what other people think about you.
It’s a common trap we fall into: we work super hard to change or influence other people’s thoughts about us, which is simply impossible. People’s judgements reflect their own internal conflicts and emotional drama. We can only be responsible for our own thoughts.
Stop overthinking.
Most people aren't paying as much attention as we think they do. People generally spend more time thinking about themselves than about others. So it’s worth questioning yourself: “Is it possible that this person is not judging me? Is there a chance they are thinking about something else?”
Life is too short to obsess over other people’s judgements, so why are we wasting time? Shifting perspectives requires internal work and patience, but it’s so worth it!
Just remember that you are not alone here – we all care about what other people think about us. But what makes us different is the filter we put on these judgements and how we choose to interpret them. We all have the power to choose our own filter.